Test Match Sofa is the alternative cricket commentary. We provide up to the minute audio ball by ball commentary for all England test matches, home and abroad.
Who are the Test Match Sofa team?
We have assembled a crack team. We have captains, strategists, coaches, official Lord’s scorers, over 2,000 league wickets, over 10,000 league runs, but most importantly more than two hundred and fifty years of cricketing thinking, obsessing, breathing, sleeping and dreaming time assembled on the sofa.
Ben
Benedict has been an avid follower of cricket for as long as he can remember. Inspired at first by his father's love of the game, or at least love of spending a day sitting in the sun with a few bottles of wine, the relationship blossomed as it became clear that the physical demands of cricket best suited Ben's natural athleticism. After captaining the Alleyn's School 2nd XI for 3 years and finally leading them to a winning record he moved on to open for the Adhoc XI of Alleyn & Honor Oak Cricket Club. He still holds the record for slowest scoring with 4 from 41 deliveries against Dulwich in 2004. In that vein Ben's cricketing hero is Mike Atherton and he too has been described as a F.E.C. When not playing cricket Ben enjoys providing a dissenting voice to the Stalinist claptrap spouted from the sofa and working at a US investment bank in Canary Wharf.
Daniel
Without a doubt the greatest captain never to have scored a hundred for England in a test match, Daniel, the love child of Douglas Jardine, Che Guevara and Jeffrey Bernard, showed great promise in his youth with his smear through the off side and his chop behind point rivalling the grace and elegance of his great hero David Gower in his pomp. But even he could do not delude himself into thinking that he could hook or pull, and for one who loves batting so much, he has had a morbid fear of the fast-moving cricket ball ever since he was sent to hospital by a vicious lifter in the St. John’s College nets. The cracks really started to show when several times in his mid-20’s he deliberately got himself out having scored a century in order to have a cigarette. First introduced to cricket by his father he watched in awe as Viv Richards plundered 291 against Tony Greig’s grovelling Englishmen at The Oval in 1976. From this moment aged 7 he realised that he was forever destined to bore his friends and family with arcane cricket trivia. A devotee of Jack Hobbs (a much better batsman than the overrated Hutton), George Lohmann and that great Marxist and cricket fanatic C.L.R. James, he now devotes himself to the strenuous political task of getting 44 players out every Saturday as head of selection for his club, being ignored by various ignorant captains as he demands changes in the field, and coming in at number 8 to block 50 balls to secure the draw. He intends to retire from cricket at 70 to take up Morphine and Golf.
James
James's finest cricketing hour as a school boy was when he top scored for the under 12s against Christchurch School with a stylish 16. Unfortunately after this promising start he was denied further school cricket because his dad was in charge of the athletics club. His passion for the game grew while he was at university in Edinburgh, and he became a devoted England follower during the dog days of the Alan Mullally era. Last year he was given the dream job of producing a CD called Tales From the Dressing Room where he crossed the country talking to all his cricketing heroes including Derek Randall, Jack Russell and Graham Gooch. He is still recovering.
Jarrod
Jarrod was born and bred in the Northern Suburbs of Melbourne to a family of cricket fundamentalists. Cricket was a huge part of his upbringing, he was inspired greatly by Chuck Fleetwood-Smith’s post test career, and his teachers suggested he leave high school. Over the years he worked for a cult, an airline and then became a filmmaker. Bored with endless conversations about Cronenberg, Lynch and Mise-en-scène he started a blog about cricket. This blog was cricketwithballs.com and it became so big he realised he could actually get paid to write about cricket. He made his way to England in 2008 to live the hedonistic life of a cricketer writer. He has seen cricket on three continents, backpacked his way around the World Cup in 2003, and once accidentally woke up Adam Gilchrist on a plane. He resides in South London, owns no cats, has written two cricket books and during the 2009 cricket season he averaged 35 with his Hawk bat and 21 with the ball from 12 matches. He will continue to write about cricket, but is also working on a screenplay called Godzilla Vs The Zombies.
Jonathan
Jonathan's interest in cricket commentary stems back to a fascination with the unusual timbre of Trevor Bailey's voice, which he first heard in 1968, before most people were born. In those days cricket interrupted the usual programmes on Radio 3 for the whole day and this was a metaphor for Zoob's lifelong passions for cricket and serious music. Whereas he attained a decent standard as a pianist, he remained a truly dreadful cricketer, forever scarred by having to face a tearaway fast-bowler armed with a leather ball in the back garden without pads or box. This phobia caused his invariable step towards the square leg umpire (did Mike Denness have such an excuse in 1974/5? ). A love of the game sprang up nevertheless and finally found its outlet as a Brearley-like captain of the Old Alleynian 3rd XI, winning many games with his astute powers of observation, cunning use of tactics and once or twice, sharp practice of which Bailey would have been proud. Now that his decrepit back is liable to go into spasm at any exertion, he restricts his cricketing activities to the sofa.
Kato
Kato fell in love with the game in 1991 when his mother told him to join her in front of the television to watch Chris Lewis and Derek Pringle add 92 for the ninth wicket in a hopeless cause against the West Indies at Birmingham. In the next test, Phil Tufnell famously took six for 25 at the Oval and the sight of all the "Tufnell"s lined up on the television scorecard was the most beautiful thing Kato had ever seen. He started playing on and off, but too late to be picked for his school team, so he qualified as an umpire in 1995 and joined the Alleyn and Honor Oak Cricket Club, founding its social side, the Adhoc XI, in 1997. Twelve years on he is still captain of the Adhoc XI and is now Chairman of the Club. On weekdays, he teaches at a north London school for girls, where he keeps himself busy putting together a cricket team of enthusiastic girls, one of whom apparently "has an action to rival Statham". Which is more than can be said for Kato, whose peculiar mix of right-arm-round and Icelandic sledging has far from caught on around the south London club circuit.
Manny
Manny started playing the game aged 5 and was dismissed caught Smithy (the family dog) bowled Mother for 5. Having talked his way into his school 1st X1, his cricketing highlight was being selected for UAU (Combined Univs. bar the posh ones) to play Kent 2nd X1 in 1978. The fact remains that he should have been 12th man and was only selected when one Durham Univ. player's car broke down on the motorway. The choice between him and the pavilion cat was a particularly close call. He has since represented Kent Univ. Holmesdale, Old Millhillians, Preston Nomads and Alleyn & Honor Oak. He has played for so long that he has now played in the same side as his son and firmly believes that he will eventually turn a ball.
Nigel
Born in 1971, Nigel had an uneventful upbringing in sunny Watford, attended Watford boys Grammar school where he gleaned his love of cricket. As a useful left arm orthodox spinner with a remarkable resemblance in style and peccadilloes to former England great Phil Tufnell he spent most of his summers playing 5 days a week at school and club. Won 5 Middlesex and Hertfordshire county colts championships as well runners up in the national championships at U17 level had a very brief spell in the county setup which never led anywhere. Then he went up to Manchester and studied at U.M.I.S.T in the heady days of the second summer of love, suffice to say cricket took a distant back burner and the next few years are all a bit of a blur now. It was at this point he was rescued from the wilderness by the man he still has on his phone as “Skip”, Dan who got him playing again at Old Alleynians in the Dulwich area of South London. Currently better lunched than in his youth he has developed a curious similarity to The Hofmeister Bear. Enjoying playing still but realising that age takes a toll and can't recreate the feats of his youth he is taking his place on the test match sofa to offer an alternative commentary as we try and regain the ashes.
Ralph
Brought up in the cricketing backwater of Cornwall, Ralph's decline from promising "next Botham" to has-been/never-was sofa-bound cricket tragic strangely coincided with meeting Daniel at university. A weakness for booze and broads (both Chris and Stuart) means he is now little seen on the cricket field. However, as a keen follower of the Gooch-esque school of physical jerks, his lithe agility makes him the ideal man for the 400-yard dash to M&S for a bottle of pinot grig and cheap tobacco. Wishes the Sofa could rewind 30 years to the time of Hadlee, Richards, B. and Thatcher. Struggles to reconcile England's improved Test form with the current socialist government. Would consider going gay for Zooby, likes cats and high front elbows.
Rob
Rob, more commonly known as ‘Dev’ is the youngest member of the team. Born in 1983, in the east end, he first fell in love with the game when his dad taught him to pad up to balls pitching out side the leg stump at the tender age of 5! After reading about Larwood and bodyline he decided that England needed a new fast bowler, he set about this task by bowling over after over at his vastly more talented older brother in the family garden. By the time of the millennium very few panes of glass in the greenhouse remained and the dream for, him at least, was over. He does however provide a batting practice service every Saturday afternoon to teams in the Essex area by opening the bowling for Fords Cricket club. His love and passion for the game are boundless and he provides the voice of the ‘Nasser’ generation of cricket fans.
Sophia
Sophia joined the Test Match Sofa team from ball one, but initially hid her considerable talents behind an impressive wilingness to send email round robins. Unleashed, she has emerged like the contents of Pandora's Box without the coherent malice. Initially drawn to cricket by the 1988 England vintage whom she first saw at Headingley, her affections soon settled upon middle order Surrey legend Graham Thorpe ("he has quite simply the most wonderful wrists"). A member of Surrey CCC for many student years, her job now precludes such flirtations and apart from her regular appearances on the sofa, she does extensive charity work for the Edward Alleyn & Honor Oak Cricket Club, providing therapy for 1st XI players who just aren't as good as they think they are. She is also a much neater scorer than Charlie F-S. Her outstanding ambitions in life include Trying to Prevent World Peace and Training Zoob to Sit Still.
Steve
Steve first saw Yorkshire lose in 1978 and has been hooked ever since. He has also mostly seen England lose too, but he was there at Headingley in 1981 when Botham hit 149* and at Edgbaston in 2005 when Freddie dismissed Langer and Ponting in the same over. As a player he is a dour and not particularly talented opening batsman, playing for Skipton CI Under 17s and Skipton CI 2nds in the Craven League, before realising that he was much better at watching cricket than playing. He is a Yorkshire CCC Life Member. When not obsessing about cricket, Busfield is a husband, father, Wire blogger and the Guardian's media and technology podfather.
Tom
Tom really started supporting England in the wave of euphoria after the Gatting tour of 1986/7 although he remembers Gower in 85. He bought Botham’s Ashes on new fangled video tape, discovered 81 in retrospect and green shoots of obsession popped up. But he was beginning to wonder whether England could ever actually win a match again and then came Gooch and his 333 and 123, Kapil Dev’s four consecutive Eddie Hemmings’ sixes to save the follow on, the boy Tendulkar’s running catch and the unbridled joy at Fraser’s sweaty control of line and length - all in the same bloody match! (Ed: wasn’t the running catch in a different test?) His life was decided. Despite no athletic ability whatsoever, he rose to the heights of captaining his 3rd XI at school and then on to opening the bowling for the 3rd XI of the Old Alleynians. This was mainly achieved by chucking down 543,781 balls in the nets through puberty. Only 19 of those balls swung. His ambition is to eventually have a garden big enough to house a full size net including room for his, some might say unnecessary 14 pace run-up.