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Paul “Colly” Collingwood has already started showing why he is a better choice than Kevin “KP” Pieterson, to help guide the flock led by wannabe farmer Alistair “Crookster” Cook.

In an interview after England’s defeat to Pakistan in Dubai yesterday, he showed his ability to keep the flock in check, gently nibbling the daggy arse of England’s black sheep KP with these encouraging words: “KP was brilliant and is back on form now”.

He also does his best to nurture the tender lambs of the group, including Ajmal Shahzad, who was badly savaged by Abdul Razzaq on his way to a match-winning and frankly wolf-like score of 46 from just 18 balls in the second T20 yesterday. “He'll learn a hell of a lot from this experience. I know he enjoyed it, which is a good thing”, said Colly, before withdrawing to lick the tears from the young Yorkshireman’s face.

With his intelligence, agility and flapping tongue, Colly is about as reliable a choice as you could make for VC. The only worry for Crookster will be stamping his authority on a flock that knows he is only there temporarily, but are used to the steadfast and long-serving old dog and know he will still be with them when their real master Strauss comes back off his holidays in a few weeks’ time.