As a ginger bird whose family dwell on the banks of the Clyde, I always have a lot of sympathy for the Scots in international sport. I once went so far as to travel by coach overnight to Paris to watch them play France in the Six Nations (I was poor and stupid then). For the first forty-odd seconds the plan seemed to have paid off, as Scotland scored a beautiful try right in front of my seat from an interception. The rest of the game punished me for my optimism and Scotland lost comfortably.
It was therefore not out of character for me to feel rather cheery this morning when I was told by my radio that the Scottish cricket team had limited Afghanistan to 130 in their final opportunity to secure a place at the World Twenty20 coming up in the West Indies. “Och aye!” I thought to myself, as this seemed a terribly achievable target and I toddled off to work feeling very cheery indeed.
What a disappointment then to find that the bonny and brave of Scotland had failed to reach the target and been knocked out by the gritty and tenacious of Afghanistan. That a country that has only very recently been allowed to play sport of any kind should beat one where cricket is a regular sport for most folk (you might be surprised by how many north of the border play) seems baffling. By most economic, historic and ethnic standards the Scots should not be much worse than England.
However, I think I have found the answer. Looking at the overall records for Scotland, I discovered that a staggering 36% of games played at home have been rain affected, with 27% abandoned or yielding no result. Only Scotland away fixture has been abandoned due to rain, and that was played in Belfast. The international total for one-day matches this century that have been abandoned due to rain is 4%.
As a result, they are missing out on the home advantage and therefore have next to no knowledge of winning. A comparison of ODI stats shows that they have a comparable win rate in tournaments and away from home to Kenya. However, Kenya, where it rains only at set times of both day and year, have had zero rain affected home games and have a home win rate of 47% to Scotland's paltry 25%. The difference in days’ rainfall between Scotland’s cricket season and Kenya’s is 78 to 38.
So sod the Afghans and their danger of being blown up by jihadists, Scotland are dicing with the will of the actual gods, not just their representatives on earth. I reckon the big chap upstairs has it in for Scottish cricket enthusiasts. I have decided that the quickest way to find out for sure is for me and my cousin Jock to annexe a field in southern France (I am sure I can invoke some sub-clause in the auld alliance), build a pavilion and some portaloos and see if all fifteen men on the field simultaneously get struck by lightning.
All offers of building materials and coach fare will be warmly welcomed